My name is Nathania, or lavenderpeace as some people in the world may know me as. I am finally in university, studying Nutritional and Nutraceutical Sciences.
Living a comfortable life full with high and low times, and despite it all I love it.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
A friend and I were just touching upon this today, and I guess made me want to do a rant here, considering it has been a long period of time since this blog has been updated. I never forgot about it, I just have been busy trying to catch up on schoolwork and blinded by many things on the side. Regardless.
I used to make fun of the Friendzone, constantly read up on it thanks to the internet, and the world of 9gag and such. I guess its not really a good thing and start believing it, clearly not paying attention that most people who claim to be in the friendzone are guys who rarely ever go out to meet people and step out of their comfort zones. To be honest, I could relate to the whole friendzone concept, probably because I was one of those people who rarely stepped out into the world and socialized with other people.
I was literally raised in a very dangerous neighbourhood, where robberies and gang fights occurred often, and I wasn't even in the most dangerous part of the city. I was never allowed to go out and socialize with any of the kids in the neighbourhood. My mother called them bad influences who were almost barbaric and the only time I was allowed to go out was with my dad only to go to the park, riding on my bicycle. Beyond that I learned how to stay at home, read endless amounts of books and rarely ever talk to anyone except the friends I made at school or the occasional birthday parties. I never was allowed out of my house at night until I was invited to my first sleepover party which was in grade 6. For most girls, that is considerably late because when you were little you'd probably play dress up, paint your nails and start singing girly songs with a hairbrush to the mirror. (haha this is probably not true, but was portrayed by WAY too many movies). That was probably the beginning of the quiet shelled up life I had.
I guess from that beginning, I didn't really know how to place myself in the world. My parents and my sister had many friends, and I was the little girl on the side hiding behind people trying to busy myself so it seems like I'm not left out of whatever conversation and it'll be okay. Even sometimes when I tried to fit myself into a conversation it just gets too awkward and the main participants were ignoring me anyway. That carried on with me for life. Whenever I'm placed in a situation where I don't know anyone, I whip out my phone, start fiddling with it. Notes, games, texts come out but half the time I"m not even writing anything. I only do that so that I calm myself from the scary world and the fear of being alone. As long as I busy myself I'm okay with being alone when in reality I'm afraid of being alone.
Anyway getting off topic.
I feel like friendzones are a safe place. You probably have feelings for them but feel fairly to very uncomfortable with taking the next step (aka RELATIONSHIP). If someone likes you enough, and understands you well enough shouldn't they be okay with being in the friendzone? To me, its almost like as long as you're my friend, we'll never leave each other, whereas with a relationship once everything goes downhill and disappears, you're all alone again. Sad, upset, lonely. Some people don't understand that concept I guess, constantly wanting to rush into a relationship prior to any knowledge whatsoever about the other. I don't mean the superficial things like their perfume or whatever, its the inside that counts; the personality. Especially at clubs and such, its always just a hookup. But when you ask for a girl's or guy's number, what are you trying to do? Clearly its something more than just a hookup, but its hard considering the first time you meet them you're not sober or at your best. So it makes me wonder about those relationships as well.
Do they even last?
Wow I trailed far from friendzone.
2:20 AM
