My name is Nathania, or lavenderpeace as some people in the world may know me as. I am finally in university, studying Nutritional and Nutraceutical Sciences.
Living a comfortable life full with high and low times, and despite it all I love it.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Well it has been a while since I posted.
I am having problems managing my time, though so many things are and were on my mind. To be honest, it has been all stress. I really dislike this semster, but I am trying my best to feel optimistic about it.
Had the whole discussion with Tom about body image, for I was doing a non-fiction speech/essay on it. I guess the idea of going back to a size 00 made me wish I had an eating disorder or something like that. But honestly, how many of us are satisfied with how we look?
=='
when I have free time, I just wish I could relax. Just a small bit.
Things like that doesn't happen often. Or ever actually.
Too many white lies. I cannot deal with it.
Let me somehow find myself wanting to go to Church without being pissed at God because this is something that happens every year...
gah. I can't find it.
Its because too many people force it upon me. I can recite everything in my sleep but it does not contain any sincerity. At ALL.
This sucks. I want to believe, but I am too pissed about how people want me a certain way that I want to rebel.
Ha.ha.ha.
6:05 PM
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Yes, I think I have gone insane.
No actually I just cannot sleep. Trying to figure out all the advanced functions before I die off with all this math... I need to continue math with an open mind... open.
The darkness is making it conntinuously lonely. I have not spoken for a few hours, so it makes my throat sore, and I cannot do anything about that. I know though I took a day off I am supposed to relax. I did but at 3 am it is not February 12th anymore, but February 13th which means my stress returns. I would and can work myself to death if I really wanted to while killing my eyes in the process.
My dad just came in. I disliked that I lied to him about just waking up, and it is getting later and later. I wish not to call anyone and disturb their sleep. To be honest, I am not tired. I hope to sleep for a while then wake up to start on physics. Perhaps one subject per day?
I had the weirdest request yesterday. My aunt from Singapore asked me to be her neighbour on FarmVille. I do not have Farmville. And she called. Like wowww.... desperate? Well with that, I had to find a way to decline because my laptop could not load it (which I find really ironic. Its a sign). My cousin would not do it for me because he thought it was too lame but I have to agree, despite the many users all over the world growing and harvesting every 2-3 hours? *laughs*
Otherwise, the darkness does not seem as bad. I still have to learn how to cope with everything, and fortunately I am not sleepy yet. I have not had any artificial sugar... besides white chocolate way before.. perhaps around 10 pm? I have no idea. I also found time to stream Leap Year while I was doing math. It is a mediocre movie, but most of it was spoiled by the previews that left us all so very mesmerized. I thought it would be the perfect love story, but I guess it was too predictable. I have to say though, I am very attracted to stories set in Ireland. Leap Year, any Cecelia Ahern novels are all set around Dublin or Cork, or a small town within Ireland.
As time approaches 5:30, my eyes finally deceive me. My eyelids are getting heavier and heavier. It is so sad, for I almost pulled an all nighter. Why must I be so extreme and put myself in such situations making myself weaker and weaker. I could not finish math. In a way I guess you could say I am quite disappointed in myself. So many things to do, such little time...
Or I am just not managing my time well enough? I may have to work on that.
Good nght! I am FINALLY GOING TO SLEEP. and yes, this is the ACTUAL TIME when I am going to SLEEP.
5:31 AM
Saturday, February 06, 2010
I think I should stop seeing you.
You bring so much joy and yet so much loneliness.
Getting more and more close to you makes me wonder about the future.
It almost seems as if I am slowly preparing myself
Taking mental pictures of you beside me
How your hands feel when they're in mine
The light-hearted feeling I get when I see your footsteps align with mine
The way my heart drops when you get too close
The sense of fear when I know you're about to tickle me to death.
But thats just a thought.
Because I know that if I do that
I would only hurt myself and you.
So the day when I stop seeing you
Is the day that I die.
7:45 PM
Friday, February 26, 2010
Well it has been a while since I posted.
I am having problems managing my time, though so many things are and were on my mind. To be honest, it has been all stress. I really dislike this semster, but I am trying my best to feel optimistic about it.
Had the whole discussion with Tom about body image, for I was doing a non-fiction speech/essay on it. I guess the idea of going back to a size 00 made me wish I had an eating disorder or something like that. But honestly, how many of us are satisfied with how we look?
=='
when I have free time, I just wish I could relax. Just a small bit.
Things like that doesn't happen often. Or ever actually.
Too many white lies. I cannot deal with it.
Let me somehow find myself wanting to go to Church without being pissed at God because this is something that happens every year...
gah. I can't find it.
Its because too many people force it upon me. I can recite everything in my sleep but it does not contain any sincerity. At ALL.
This sucks. I want to believe, but I am too pissed about how people want me a certain way that I want to rebel.
Ha.ha.ha.
6:05 PM
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Yes, I think I have gone insane.
No actually I just cannot sleep. Trying to figure out all the advanced functions before I die off with all this math... I need to continue math with an open mind... open.
The darkness is making it conntinuously lonely. I have not spoken for a few hours, so it makes my throat sore, and I cannot do anything about that. I know though I took a day off I am supposed to relax. I did but at 3 am it is not February 12th anymore, but February 13th which means my stress returns. I would and can work myself to death if I really wanted to while killing my eyes in the process.
My dad just came in. I disliked that I lied to him about just waking up, and it is getting later and later. I wish not to call anyone and disturb their sleep. To be honest, I am not tired. I hope to sleep for a while then wake up to start on physics. Perhaps one subject per day?
I had the weirdest request yesterday. My aunt from Singapore asked me to be her neighbour on FarmVille. I do not have Farmville. And she called. Like wowww.... desperate? Well with that, I had to find a way to decline because my laptop could not load it (which I find really ironic. Its a sign). My cousin would not do it for me because he thought it was too lame but I have to agree, despite the many users all over the world growing and harvesting every 2-3 hours? *laughs*
Otherwise, the darkness does not seem as bad. I still have to learn how to cope with everything, and fortunately I am not sleepy yet. I have not had any artificial sugar... besides white chocolate way before.. perhaps around 10 pm? I have no idea. I also found time to stream Leap Year while I was doing math. It is a mediocre movie, but most of it was spoiled by the previews that left us all so very mesmerized. I thought it would be the perfect love story, but I guess it was too predictable. I have to say though, I am very attracted to stories set in Ireland. Leap Year, any Cecelia Ahern novels are all set around Dublin or Cork, or a small town within Ireland.
As time approaches 5:30, my eyes finally deceive me. My eyelids are getting heavier and heavier. It is so sad, for I almost pulled an all nighter. Why must I be so extreme and put myself in such situations making myself weaker and weaker. I could not finish math. In a way I guess you could say I am quite disappointed in myself. So many things to do, such little time...
Or I am just not managing my time well enough? I may have to work on that.
Good nght! I am FINALLY GOING TO SLEEP. and yes, this is the ACTUAL TIME when I am going to SLEEP.
5:31 AM
Saturday, February 06, 2010
I think I should stop seeing you.
You bring so much joy and yet so much loneliness.
Getting more and more close to you makes me wonder about the future.
It almost seems as if I am slowly preparing myself
Taking mental pictures of you beside me
How your hands feel when they're in mine
The light-hearted feeling I get when I see your footsteps align with mine
The way my heart drops when you get too close
The sense of fear when I know you're about to tickle me to death.
But thats just a thought.
Because I know that if I do that
I would only hurt myself and you.
So the day when I stop seeing you
Is the day that I die.
7:45 PM
