BEYOND THE LENS.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Love... is it worth all the risks?

I was told not to be serious about relationships. Not to even be in a relationship. I can understand that now, or why people would suggest me to do such a thing.

Obviously by the time I realize it, it is already too late. The only thing left to do is let nature take its course, learn from my mistakes and take everything as experience.

Whatever has been done, is done. You cannot go back to the past and change everything, because that would change you and the present.

I feel as if what I saw just became different. I cannot say whether or not this is a good thing, but I have to deal with it in a quiet manner so that nothing seems awkward or out of it. Too many people obviously know my ways so now, it seems as if a different approach to certain things has become mandatory.

For now, I do not regret anything in my relationship though I question everything in my sleep. I realized many things I thought was in that person was nothing close to what I wanted or believed he possessed. In a way I am okay with how or who he is, because that is the person I have learned to accept. I will never be the person to make someone I cherish to change for me so I would like him more. Whoever does that, well you are setting yourself up for failure because maybe you will never find someone like that. Maybe in the future, but not now. Plus, if someone actually changed for you would you not get annoyed after a while and move on to liking something else? Does that not mean he or she would have to change again to make you feel content all over again? How would that person feel?

I am sure some people who will read this post would feel a little uneasy or wonder what in the world could I possibly be referring to. To be honest, I do not know myself. Interesting, is it not? It is just basically a few things that has bothered me from talks with various people.

Thanks. :)

Otherwise, life is just dandy except I am having many difficulties focusing on school. Oh well. Back to English!

4:29 PM

Friday, March 19, 2010

Well then.

Yesterday it was my birthday. And it was the best birthday of my life so far. The most best day. At first I thought it would not been as good as one may claim, so I tried to keep my hopes from going up. To be honest, by the time I met up with Tom my hopes were long gone. I was about to get up and go home because hey. What is the whole point of celebrating your birthday when perhaps spending it alone with work would be so much better? No hopes, therefore no disappointments.

Is it not so simple? Whatever you wish to do it will never disappoint. In a way, I guess you could say I dislike my birthday. The fact that everyone has to go out of their normal state to act happy and cheerful to celebrate one's birthday. Please don't care. Turning seventeen does not mean that much to me. I wanted to find some way I could escape from my life, because it is so unhappy most of the time. Life is never meant to be a walk in the park, but I do not even have the capability to sell my life and making it seem so simple, so carefree, so... awesome.

So Ben and Tom picked me up from Markville, and Ben drove to East Beaver Creek area. Tom and I had dinner, and went for dessert while walking off the super salty dinner. It was interesting but very awkward. But it was sweet and nice. Unfortunately due to the car failure, his parents drove me home.

The end. :)

5:44 AM

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

I am getting sidetracked from what I am supposed to do.

Alas for some reason, I always feel as if there is always something missing.
In return, there is the longing, or wish to have the courage to stand up and have my thoughts heard. Instead, I cowardly always stand in the back, silently looking on. Observing one's movements in detail, like the shoes, the way their hair is, the bountiful colours on one's skin...

Perhaps what I have once dreamed of is not mine to keep? Nor is it my calling, no matter how much I may long for it.

Feeling as confused as ever, holding back all fears and the endless tears that I know is on their way.

5:31 PM

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Dear Nat,

When can you ever realize that some things you do is completely stupid?
Do you realize it only after someone tells you and you go "oops?"
Moping around about it afterwards and having it plague your mind does NOT help AT ALL.

What else? Stop complaining about every single little STUPID thing you are unhappy with. No one cares how well you are doing in school, what is happening at home, or what homework you have tonight or any night. Honestly, I swear if you keep publicizing everything there is no such thing as privacy anymore, and you might as well be a walking target for an abduction waiting to happen because hey, I am pretty sure someone will use that and pay some guy to kidnap you for a certain amount of money.

If people even cared about you, its all just a lie. Sometimes. When they give you advice, USE IT. It is always useful because you could avoid awful situations in the future. But clearly Nat, YOU DON'T. You beg for advice yet in return you do not even use it. HOW AWFUL OF YOU.

I am sure many of you are wondering why such a random post. I believe some people need to open their eyes and see reality. Get a wake up call.

So Nat, this is a wake up call.

WAKE UP.

7:11 PM