BEYOND THE LENS.

Friday, April 06, 2012

As more days go by, the more I'm alone, the more I realize more about myself.

When I was with you, I was so unhappy, I began to make you look more superior, and I started degrading myself. I thought I was not better than you, or even equal. I felt lowly, and dumb. I relied on you for everything, I began to glorify you.

I was so clueless, so thoughtless about my actions. I credited you for everything good that occurred when in reality, when something good happened to me, you showed me what I was capable of, with or without you.

Now that I am alone and searching for myself, sure there are many who marvel at my personality though at times I begin to degrade myself. Unfortunately, I have come across so many of these times I cannot bring myself to let go of the past, to find someone new to support me. I am still scared of how I turned out from our relationship. It may be from opening myself too much for my own comfort, or believing in an illusion that we will be together forever. We're still together though, but only in our memories that will be revisited every so often. You still bring a smile, a tear to my eyes, but knowing you are happy with someone else, I have hope for myself that I could be just as happy as I once was.

I learned that I am getting stronger as each day passes by. I rely on myself more than ever, and I feel less dumb. I accomplished more in a year and felt good about it, more than I ever was with you. I know my flaws and weaknesses, and I know that no one can help me but myself. Sure, there are people I turn to for happy and sad moments, they keep me grounded and are a reminder of non-judgmental friends, support for me whenever I need it or not.

I hope to eventually prove to not only myself that what I used to be is no more. All the thoughts of suicide and sadness is gone. After being in love it makes you stronger than you seem or believe. It just took a long time to realize that some people appear in your life for a reason, and it takes time to see their significance.

If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is

something you must always remember. You are braver than

you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you

think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart..

I'll always be with you.

-A.A. Milne

Thank you for everything you taught me

12:58 PM

Friday, April 06, 2012

If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is

something you must always remember. You are braver than

you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you

think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart..

I'll always be with you.

-A.A. Milne

Thank you for everything you taught me

12:58 PM