My name is Nathania, or lavenderpeace as some people in the world may know me as. I am finally in university, studying Nutritional and Nutraceutical Sciences.
Living a comfortable life full with high and low times, and despite it all I love it.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Well, it has been a while. What have I not posted?
I fell in love with Tom almost 2 years ago, and for once, the feelings are feeling wavered. It might be perhaps the change of university, since we both lead different lives. He did say that he wanted to not go on any further. Sometimes I wondered why I was strongly against this, considering the emotions I feel now might as well kill me as this relationship continues.
I just saw him yesterday past a really difficult week. His transition seems to be so smooth its flawless. But at the same time, it is almost as if I'm just someone he uses to receive pleasure or just anything in general. He keeps saying he loves me but beyond that, the everyday conversations turn less frequent, and less substance. Instead, I feel this void inbetween and I get sad and upset, considering that he has to lie to me just to attempt to make me happy but in return make me even more sad.
I feel like I'm struggling inside, and he doesn't understand me. I still love him, and when we're together everything is the same like before, but whenever the sun comes up, the Thomas I fell in love with seems to disappear with the night. In his place, a guy who seems to be unable to keep his priorities, and I always end up getting hurt.
There hasn't been a time this week where my eyes stayed relatively dry from tears. It always falls, and I have cried myself to sleep countless times to a point I don't remember a night where I haven't done so.
He promised so much, and now it feels like those promises are becoming more and more empty.
1:37 PM
