BEYOND THE LENS.
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My name is Nathania, or lavenderpeace as some people in the world may know me as. I am finally in university, studying Nutritional and Nutraceutical Sciences.
Living a comfortable life full with high and low times, and despite it all I love it.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Its been a while since I blogged. First of all, Happy Thanksgiving!
I have started watching a drama called Ghost Friends.... and its japanese. I finished it just now, and to be honest, it helped me out with my loneliness for a bit.
Sometimes I think back to what happened last year, and I guess I couldn't face the fact that what we had is over. It was all my fault that everything turned out the way it did. I am learning how to move on, with him still by my side but forever staying a good friend. Will any other feelings arise that I felt in the past?
I do not know whether my friends have access to this, but I do not want to worry them when I type this. I am not happy with myself. Though I am considered thin or skinny, I feel that I'm not happy enough. I want complete control over myself. I want to be able to resist temptation of food, and do well in school. Unfortunately I am not that strong. I feel too weak all the time. I still remember the time I was almost anorexic. I had the strength to control my habits except my anger. I can sort of control my anger now to a certain extent, but why can I not be able to handle everything else?
I am so confused. Also, I feel that befriending Cale is a bad idea. Hopefully by the time its Christmas I would learn how to live without Cale. Cale is a nice person don't get me wrong, but the feeling... I'm not being honest with anyone. My friends, Kay, my family, even myself. I'm just hiding the truth.
I wish I could change the past, but everyone even I know that is not possible. All we can do is learn from our mistakes and make sure our actions are not repeated.
That is all.
3:45 PM
Monday, October 12, 2009
Its been a while since I blogged. First of all, Happy Thanksgiving!
I have started watching a drama called Ghost Friends.... and its japanese. I finished it just now, and to be honest, it helped me out with my loneliness for a bit.
Sometimes I think back to what happened last year, and I guess I couldn't face the fact that what we had is over. It was all my fault that everything turned out the way it did. I am learning how to move on, with him still by my side but forever staying a good friend. Will any other feelings arise that I felt in the past?
I do not know whether my friends have access to this, but I do not want to worry them when I type this. I am not happy with myself. Though I am considered thin or skinny, I feel that I'm not happy enough. I want complete control over myself. I want to be able to resist temptation of food, and do well in school. Unfortunately I am not that strong. I feel too weak all the time. I still remember the time I was almost anorexic. I had the strength to control my habits except my anger. I can sort of control my anger now to a certain extent, but why can I not be able to handle everything else?
I am so confused. Also, I feel that befriending Cale is a bad idea. Hopefully by the time its Christmas I would learn how to live without Cale. Cale is a nice person don't get me wrong, but the feeling... I'm not being honest with anyone. My friends, Kay, my family, even myself. I'm just hiding the truth.
I wish I could change the past, but everyone even I know that is not possible. All we can do is learn from our mistakes and make sure our actions are not repeated.
