BEYOND THE LENS.
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My name is Nathania, or lavenderpeace as some people in the world may know me as. I am finally in university, studying Nutritional and Nutraceutical Sciences.
Living a comfortable life full with high and low times, and despite it all I love it.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
So erm... it was raining.
I left my window open, and i woke up to the sound of rain. Most people, continue sleeping. But for me, I would rather blog. I would have preferred to blog at the point where it rained the hardest, but it already passed. [...] Honestly, the rain is weird. It just started up again.
anyways regardless, HI! I finished all my exams and I am content with that. but life seems to be a bit boring... rawr.
4:37 AM
Friday, June 18, 2010
I'm only good from a distance. Seeing me from a distance Imagining holding me from a distance Is all you can ever do. Because if you get too close The more flaws your eyes seem to uncover The more sadness is found in my eyes Endless streams of tears running down my cheeks.
Could you not have been like everyone else Who seems to walk past me without any difficulty To become blind to all those unimportant Could you not been like them? Though you had the chance to catch a glimpse of me Why could you not have forgotten such a person, prevent them from entering your mind once in a while as your possibility, your future?
Because every year, it is always the same. Each summer leads to a tug on friendships, the loss of lovers, the loss of hearts. The invisibility of a person, the loss of a physical being. As fall breezes start to set in As the days of summer come to a close The falling leaves reveal Someone that used to be close And now leaving a gap between those she once knew well.
It is as if she likes losing those she holds dear in her heart For she rarely ever shows what she means and rather hide her feelings than to let one know the truth. The hurt, the uncomfort, of being in her own skin. The loss of one's heart, to find the soul that lives inside The feeling of being lost is too familiar For it happens on a regular basis In attempt to find it, one disappears almost every holiday.
Like the coldness engulfing the Northern hemisphere in the winter She tries to warm up to her friends, some with their arms wide open some that seem as cold as winter night's air. The endless fears and dreary tends to have others feel annoyed A friend who leaves with the hot warm air And returns when the first leaf starts to fall. Can someone keep a relationship like that with someone who hides and cannot face her fears.
Maybe this year, for when the world heats up and when the sun shines down with scorching heat She will not run away this time. To face the fears, consequences and tribulations To spend it with the ones she trusts, and the endless people she loves To make up for all the lost time Between the beginning of summer and the end of fall.
I really do hope I can. After finding out the mistakes I have made in the past, and hiding away from it, it seems as if every year when I return there is a sense of uncomfort. Lets just say that last year was pretty hard, for although I kept contact with people through the internet, it was not enough. Plus, coincidentally seeing my friends and ditching them and meeting up with them after, it was really odd. The odd scent in the air remained for a while. Since it was P-Mall, I ended up running away from them, and looking at things I wished could change, and stalking my friends from afar.
This year though, Tom is around. It is not like I stop talking all of a sudden, for I do not want him, or even anyone else to worry. So I guess I'll be around.
meh. LOL
2:37 PM
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
So, for the last couple of days, it has been really hard for me. It is as if I forgot how to express myself through a blog post. I neglected this blog for so long because I keep stating I am busy and what not, when in reality, maybe I am just procrastinating crazily the week before exams. I have not even started my exam review. I think that is one reason why I am stressing. Usually by now I have things down pact, when currently I have many unknown theories and what not left to learn. Maybe that is why everything is so jumbled up. I am so behind, and my grades are slipping on a regular basis.
I need time... to take off, find some sort of quiet spot and just take a breather. I do plan to do so much during the summer, yet in a way everything revolves around school, even my summer. It is sort of funny, but very sad. Hopefully I can purchase a bulletin board tomorrow, and steal the school council's paint (the crappy one) to paint over and just sort of give it a trial run to check if the paint makes it more stable or whatever...
I can't stop myself from stupidity. Randomly blurting something out because I think that just because one thing does not work out it means this entire thing should be dissolved. Actually, it should not. I know I am causing you so much worry and what not and you are getting more and more annoyed. I am sorry Tom. It is just me during a really odditating time, where I can't tell the borderline of sanity and super stress.
I am more confused than ever. Can you help me find a way, and work through my half-insane state?
9:31 PM
Thursday, June 24, 2010
So erm... it was raining.
I left my window open, and i woke up to the sound of rain. Most people, continue sleeping. But for me, I would rather blog. I would have preferred to blog at the point where it rained the hardest, but it already passed. [...] Honestly, the rain is weird. It just started up again.
anyways regardless, HI! I finished all my exams and I am content with that. but life seems to be a bit boring... rawr.
4:37 AM
Friday, June 18, 2010
I'm only good from a distance. Seeing me from a distance Imagining holding me from a distance Is all you can ever do. Because if you get too close The more flaws your eyes seem to uncover The more sadness is found in my eyes Endless streams of tears running down my cheeks.
Could you not have been like everyone else Who seems to walk past me without any difficulty To become blind to all those unimportant Could you not been like them? Though you had the chance to catch a glimpse of me Why could you not have forgotten such a person, prevent them from entering your mind once in a while as your possibility, your future?
Because every year, it is always the same. Each summer leads to a tug on friendships, the loss of lovers, the loss of hearts. The invisibility of a person, the loss of a physical being. As fall breezes start to set in As the days of summer come to a close The falling leaves reveal Someone that used to be close And now leaving a gap between those she once knew well.
It is as if she likes losing those she holds dear in her heart For she rarely ever shows what she means and rather hide her feelings than to let one know the truth. The hurt, the uncomfort, of being in her own skin. The loss of one's heart, to find the soul that lives inside The feeling of being lost is too familiar For it happens on a regular basis In attempt to find it, one disappears almost every holiday.
Like the coldness engulfing the Northern hemisphere in the winter She tries to warm up to her friends, some with their arms wide open some that seem as cold as winter night's air. The endless fears and dreary tends to have others feel annoyed A friend who leaves with the hot warm air And returns when the first leaf starts to fall. Can someone keep a relationship like that with someone who hides and cannot face her fears.
Maybe this year, for when the world heats up and when the sun shines down with scorching heat She will not run away this time. To face the fears, consequences and tribulations To spend it with the ones she trusts, and the endless people she loves To make up for all the lost time Between the beginning of summer and the end of fall.
I really do hope I can. After finding out the mistakes I have made in the past, and hiding away from it, it seems as if every year when I return there is a sense of uncomfort. Lets just say that last year was pretty hard, for although I kept contact with people through the internet, it was not enough. Plus, coincidentally seeing my friends and ditching them and meeting up with them after, it was really odd. The odd scent in the air remained for a while. Since it was P-Mall, I ended up running away from them, and looking at things I wished could change, and stalking my friends from afar.
This year though, Tom is around. It is not like I stop talking all of a sudden, for I do not want him, or even anyone else to worry. So I guess I'll be around.
meh. LOL
2:37 PM
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
So, for the last couple of days, it has been really hard for me. It is as if I forgot how to express myself through a blog post. I neglected this blog for so long because I keep stating I am busy and what not, when in reality, maybe I am just procrastinating crazily the week before exams. I have not even started my exam review. I think that is one reason why I am stressing. Usually by now I have things down pact, when currently I have many unknown theories and what not left to learn. Maybe that is why everything is so jumbled up. I am so behind, and my grades are slipping on a regular basis.
I need time... to take off, find some sort of quiet spot and just take a breather. I do plan to do so much during the summer, yet in a way everything revolves around school, even my summer. It is sort of funny, but very sad. Hopefully I can purchase a bulletin board tomorrow, and steal the school council's paint (the crappy one) to paint over and just sort of give it a trial run to check if the paint makes it more stable or whatever...
I can't stop myself from stupidity. Randomly blurting something out because I think that just because one thing does not work out it means this entire thing should be dissolved. Actually, it should not. I know I am causing you so much worry and what not and you are getting more and more annoyed. I am sorry Tom. It is just me during a really odditating time, where I can't tell the borderline of sanity and super stress.
I am more confused than ever. Can you help me find a way, and work through my half-insane state?
