BEYOND THE LENS.
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My name is Nathania, or lavenderpeace as some people in the world may know me as. I am finally in university, studying Nutritional and Nutraceutical Sciences.
Living a comfortable life full with high and low times, and despite it all I love it.
Friday, June 08, 2012
It feels like I has been ages since my last post.
But perhaps it has been eons.
I just didn't know what to type, how to relay my feelings and emotions, knowing somewhere out there someone was reading. Mostly, I am afraid they find this blog and read all my thoughts.
But now, I'm not as afraid as I used to be. Perhaps due to all these shortcomings, and each person and event I encounter makes me stronger and able to make more rational choices, unafraid of what others think or believe.
Obviously the simplicity of life is slowly fading, but the idea of simplicity still lives stronger than before. It becomes more and more something unattainable, because of life and every other drama our minds can come up with.
I believed in love. I still do, knowing it is somewhere out there waiting to be found. What I thought was love, or the slightest thing closest is not what it seems. It is full of deceit, lies, and too many empty promises. Either that, or it becomes something fully deviated from the plan, from what many yearn for. Everyday that could have been full of happiness and love turns into frustration and endless arguments. If love means that, I would rather not be a part of it.
I have always said what I believed others wanted me to say, and did things that were expected of me. With this, I become so detached from myself and what I believed in, living in denial from the day I comply to their wishes. In the end, I only get hurt. So this time, I hope to firmly resolve and become a person who is stronger, and unafraid of every single little thing.
Starting with him. I have two days left to leave him hanging, although we have already said our goodbyes. I thought it might be love, but its just me desperately trying to keep my friend. Without him, I would be lonely at work, no one to talk to because many believe something is happening between us. A part of me wishes I could love again, like how I was with Tom, but a part of me I can't lead a guy who is so smitten with me on. It is unfair, and cruel, and is not who I am, and I will never succumb to such treachery. Therefore, it must end despite the fact our friendship will simultaneously diminish.
Oh well. Wish me luck, and hope that I will not fall back into old habits.
10:36 AM
Friday, June 08, 2012
It feels like I has been ages since my last post.
But perhaps it has been eons.
I just didn't know what to type, how to relay my feelings and emotions, knowing somewhere out there someone was reading. Mostly, I am afraid they find this blog and read all my thoughts.
But now, I'm not as afraid as I used to be. Perhaps due to all these shortcomings, and each person and event I encounter makes me stronger and able to make more rational choices, unafraid of what others think or believe.
Obviously the simplicity of life is slowly fading, but the idea of simplicity still lives stronger than before. It becomes more and more something unattainable, because of life and every other drama our minds can come up with.
I believed in love. I still do, knowing it is somewhere out there waiting to be found. What I thought was love, or the slightest thing closest is not what it seems. It is full of deceit, lies, and too many empty promises. Either that, or it becomes something fully deviated from the plan, from what many yearn for. Everyday that could have been full of happiness and love turns into frustration and endless arguments. If love means that, I would rather not be a part of it.
I have always said what I believed others wanted me to say, and did things that were expected of me. With this, I become so detached from myself and what I believed in, living in denial from the day I comply to their wishes. In the end, I only get hurt. So this time, I hope to firmly resolve and become a person who is stronger, and unafraid of every single little thing.
Starting with him. I have two days left to leave him hanging, although we have already said our goodbyes. I thought it might be love, but its just me desperately trying to keep my friend. Without him, I would be lonely at work, no one to talk to because many believe something is happening between us. A part of me wishes I could love again, like how I was with Tom, but a part of me I can't lead a guy who is so smitten with me on. It is unfair, and cruel, and is not who I am, and I will never succumb to such treachery. Therefore, it must end despite the fact our friendship will simultaneously diminish.
Oh well. Wish me luck, and hope that I will not fall back into old habits.
