My name is Nathania, or lavenderpeace as some people in the world may know me as. I am finally in university, studying Nutritional and Nutraceutical Sciences.
Living a comfortable life full with high and low times, and despite it all I love it.
Sunday, December 05, 2010
Forget wishlists.
There is nothing more I want, except probably going against everything I believe in and taking a dive and running away.
Isn't the best in a snowstorm? To freeze and not feel anything but a burn, and in the end leave the world alone with the memories of love, instead of making goodbyes such a painful feeling? We came into the world with love, and we leave the world with love. But honestly, how many of us are lucky enough to leave the world with love? Most of the time it just is an individualistic world where we only care about ourselves. What about those who have no home, unable to care for themselves due to an inability?
No ice creams or chocolate cake, no one to celebrate their birthdays, just... nothing
if i'm considered lucky, why am I taking it all for granted?
Why am I so darn selfish all the time, and when its gone or when i start thinking I don't deserve it, people get angry at me. I shouldn't make myself look like the victim. Not anymore. I'm the one who took these actions, to do this.
I managed to persuade myself I sold my soul to the devil when I was 9. No matter what feelings I felt, no one would be able to reciprocate. even to this day, I can't. I can't reciprocate as much as I can, because there is always fear that exists. I am my own fear. Sure the actions I take sometimes are absolutely terrible.
I cause the pain to others, the confusing emotion, to make them frustrated, angry, sad although my goal is the opposite. Maybe it is an individualistic world, and I have surrendered to this idea, and I care for myself first before all others. If I had the courage, I hope to be out in the snow one night in a snowstorm, to hide in the forest not so far away and perhaps say goodnight, and goodbye to the cold cruel world I never deserved to be in. Its too pretty, too delicate, too fragile to ruin, too hard to ignore, too difficult to leave.
If there was a jail cell for being like this, I hope to get a life sentence. Never to see the light again, for I've always been in the dark.
3:02 PM
