My name is Nathania, or lavenderpeace as some people in the world may know me as. I am finally in university, studying Nutritional and Nutraceutical Sciences.
Living a comfortable life full with high and low times, and despite it all I love it.
Monday, November 01, 2010
The music of the night. So lonely, not matter how you look at it.
Sure, you can be in a completely romantic relationship or be dubbed the cutest couple by your friends, but do they sincerely understand the underlying circumstances that plague every relationship?
The more I try to strip everything down to find the true meaning, why I think or see things a certain way, there is nowhere to pinpoint it. All you do is just stare off into a place of darkness, a place where it is plain. No movement, nothing. A feeling that seems to have come over you since... you've been alone. Since the darkness started to take over the day, when the sunny days all turn gray. Seems to be happening quite often, no matter where I go.
Stress, frustration comes over and over like waves hitting the shore. Never relenting, never ending. The attempt to stop is futile, weak. I try not to go to you for help in any way, but in the end, I need you no matter how much I protest, or how many times I deny you. I try to act tough and strong, thinking I can take on this world, yet when it comes nightfall, the true emotions shine forth, showing sensitivity, vulnerability, the true me. Being weak always made me... disappointed in myself in so many aspects, and yet there is no solution. Self-esteem has nothing to do with anything, regardless if I even had a high self-esteem for a few seconds, the fear will always be there... waiting to engulf me as a whole... to release havoc all over the place, to my treasured friends.
I used to say I was... possessed. Or I sold my soul to the devil, for all I ever did was create mistakes, I convinced myself I would never see God and the good life, because although we all yearn to be there in the future, there is way too many sins that maybe even God cannot look past it. I was terrible.
Trying to find my way back home, I'm so confused.
In the cold, waiting for the snow to fall
Walking barefoot, on the street alone
Looking for you, you alone
to teach me how to get back to you.
Its lonely...
and cold.
11:51 PM
