BEYOND THE LENS.
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My name is Nathania, or lavenderpeace as some people in the world may know me as. I am finally in university, studying Nutritional and Nutraceutical Sciences.
Living a comfortable life full with high and low times, and despite it all I love it.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Day: Four
The Internet is back on, hurray.
I'm on my sister's Macbook while my dad is using the Toshiba. I kept tearing up last night because it was like my first time out in 2-3 days and a lot of things on the road made me think. My dad asked me to take a ride with him because I need fresh air and he had to drive Cae to MTR karaoke (Hwy 7/Leslie, behind Premiere banquet hall) but she had to drop off things at her boyfriend's. So my dad drove by a house which made me think, then later on a car in front of us made me think.... a lot of places just brought tears. It didn't help that I was listening to sad slow songs because I was sad enough.
While I was in the car, he signed on. *sigh* whatever...
I think my dad wants me out of the house again. Going to some caravan thingy or whatever in Mississauga. I don't want to go because its so far, but I guess I basically have no choice. But I guess its good because being entrapped in the basement isn't so healthy for me. Plus when Paschal was down here, he got hives. Its not clean down here... maybe that's why. I'm prolonging my weird cough and prints on my arm.
I'm sort of getting used to not wearing the ring. Although my finger looks empty, I guess it shows how unhappy I have been. I promised that I wouldn't be that sad or you know, wouldn't miss him that much for two weeks, but so many things can happen in two weeks. I think Cae was saying she wants to take me out to a club, so if I do that means I have to be drunk enough to be okay that other drunken guys try to get me to grind up on them. ew~ But Janice and Mike are trying to I guess snap me out of this sort of insane uber sadness that I do not understand why I have it because he's not gone for that long. It just feels like it. Whenever someone says "I'll be back in a jiffy!" or "Two weeks will fly by", what does fly and jiffy mean? and I know "time flies when you're having fun" but what if you're not having fun? Or you're just faking that you're having fun? Doesn't that say how unhappy someone is but does not want to ruin the fun for others so faking it is a lot better than showing your true feelings.
Taeyang's You're My is nice. I don't know why. YAY!
:(
It doesn't help that as the days pass, the more I get scared I will be sent to Bosnia instead of Cae. Or by the time he comes back I would be so torn up about everything that I don't want to see him until September. I don't know. I'm already down. No need for me to go all the way till I hit the centre of the earth.
*sigh* I don't think I can get any worse. But for sure, I need to stop being so attached to someone who might not always be here. I mean, people can do a certain amount. The rest is up to the individual, and no one else. I guess I forgot how it felt like. Everything is so quiet. Completely detached from my phone, I barely even pick up my phone anymore because most of the time at home its not close to me. Otherwise, whenever I go out or before I sleep its around me.
Can't wait until I see Janice and Mike next week or anyone else. Maybe things will get better then.
10:47 AM
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Day: Four
The Internet is back on, hurray.
I'm on my sister's Macbook while my dad is using the Toshiba. I kept tearing up last night because it was like my first time out in 2-3 days and a lot of things on the road made me think. My dad asked me to take a ride with him because I need fresh air and he had to drive Cae to MTR karaoke (Hwy 7/Leslie, behind Premiere banquet hall) but she had to drop off things at her boyfriend's. So my dad drove by a house which made me think, then later on a car in front of us made me think.... a lot of places just brought tears. It didn't help that I was listening to sad slow songs because I was sad enough.
While I was in the car, he signed on. *sigh* whatever...
I think my dad wants me out of the house again. Going to some caravan thingy or whatever in Mississauga. I don't want to go because its so far, but I guess I basically have no choice. But I guess its good because being entrapped in the basement isn't so healthy for me. Plus when Paschal was down here, he got hives. Its not clean down here... maybe that's why. I'm prolonging my weird cough and prints on my arm.
I'm sort of getting used to not wearing the ring. Although my finger looks empty, I guess it shows how unhappy I have been. I promised that I wouldn't be that sad or you know, wouldn't miss him that much for two weeks, but so many things can happen in two weeks. I think Cae was saying she wants to take me out to a club, so if I do that means I have to be drunk enough to be okay that other drunken guys try to get me to grind up on them. ew~ But Janice and Mike are trying to I guess snap me out of this sort of insane uber sadness that I do not understand why I have it because he's not gone for that long. It just feels like it. Whenever someone says "I'll be back in a jiffy!" or "Two weeks will fly by", what does fly and jiffy mean? and I know "time flies when you're having fun" but what if you're not having fun? Or you're just faking that you're having fun? Doesn't that say how unhappy someone is but does not want to ruin the fun for others so faking it is a lot better than showing your true feelings.
Taeyang's You're My is nice. I don't know why. YAY!
:(
It doesn't help that as the days pass, the more I get scared I will be sent to Bosnia instead of Cae. Or by the time he comes back I would be so torn up about everything that I don't want to see him until September. I don't know. I'm already down. No need for me to go all the way till I hit the centre of the earth.
*sigh* I don't think I can get any worse. But for sure, I need to stop being so attached to someone who might not always be here. I mean, people can do a certain amount. The rest is up to the individual, and no one else. I guess I forgot how it felt like. Everything is so quiet. Completely detached from my phone, I barely even pick up my phone anymore because most of the time at home its not close to me. Otherwise, whenever I go out or before I sleep its around me.
Can't wait until I see Janice and Mike next week or anyone else. Maybe things will get better then.
