My name is Nathania, or lavenderpeace as some people in the world may know me as. I am finally in university, studying Nutritional and Nutraceutical Sciences.
Living a comfortable life full with high and low times, and despite it all I love it.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Today.
A new day, and a bit of a new beginning of learning how to cope alone for a while.
I tried waking up to an alarm at 4am to talk to Tom before he left, but I guess I was too tired to wake up and feel the urgency to call.
So I spent a while watching Koizora, a Japanese drama. The love depicted in the drama seemed so simple, yet so difficult. It was cute and in the end I was so heartbroken and cried enough to build a stream. (ha ha).
Anyways, I ended up talking to Tom when he was online for a few minutes, and me trying to hold back tears... failed epically. Its like I am a faucet, completely controlled by emotions. If I am too sad, I start crying and nothing can stop the rate of tears flowing out of my eyes. Etc etc... I hope someone understands this analogy.
I went to dinner, and I tried to swallow the pills. Unfortunately, I am starting to have problems once again swallowing pills. I think it may be because I am too nervous and my throat just closes... anyways, the taste of the pill in my mouth revolts me so much that I honestly feel like throwing everything up. I want to stop taking pills... I want to stop being so dependent on things the pharmacists prepare and what the doctors prescribe. Is it possible to take away all the powder, the pills, the taste out of your mouth? Why preserve life when we should just live life until we have to die naturally. Whether a fever or a cold or cancer. That way we learn to enjoy life and live it to its full potential rather than dragging it along for so long and never learning how precious life is until it is too late for example if one contracted a life-threatening disease. Stuff you see on dramas.
I am so sick and done with doctors. With medicine. I just want to be left alone. When anything goes wrong, I would rather squirm in pain on a bed at home rather than having needles stuck inside me in an uncomfortable bed in the hospital. They... SUCK. To think, I wanted to be a doctor or go into medicine. Yet I sort of criticize it. I would rather have people prolong their lives rather than myself because hey. I am not helping the world, I am just making it deteriorate faster.
this is me. perhaps growing weaker and weaker everyday. For now though, just a healthy human trying to not eat her prescribed medication. :)
8:04 PM
