BEYOND THE LENS.

BEYOND THE LENS. <script language="JavaScript" type="text/JavaScript">  </script> <body>

My name is Nathania, or lavenderpeace as some people in the world may know me as. I am finally in university, studying Nutritional and Nutraceutical Sciences. Living a comfortable life full with high and low times, and despite it all I love it.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Well. I'm guessing you are wondering why I am up so early. It is currently about 6:28am. Do not get anxious or scared for I will not be getting any sleep. I thought that my fever was gone yesterday because I went down to a 37.3. Unfortunately, I was wrong. I am not back up to a 39.3 except the only thing that is really bothering me is that I feel perfectly normal. I do not know if the thermometer is lying to me or what.

The worst part of it all, I cannot find the container of Advil. Nevermind. I just found it. :P I thought one pill of Advil would do me good. What could possibly be provoking my fever? Perhaps the heated blanket? I have just started using it recently, and it keeps my toes warm, which I have always been unable to accomplish for perhaps I do not have enough blood, or I am not producing enough body heat.

I feel like talking to someone but hey. No one is on so early in the morning on a Saturday. I am disapponted though. Tom promised me that if I was about 37.4 and lower I get to go out with him today and buy Brenda's gift. I am so worried that I will not get better today or tomorrow, forcing me to not attend Chris' baptism, or going to Brenda's birthday celebration. Why must my body be like this? Why must I always get sick on the most important days especially in December? This is not fair, though I already know that life is never fair.

What is the whole point of being hopeful now? I feel like I have been isolated from everyone. I want to be able to stop Tom from worrying about me. I just want him to be happy, but I feel like all I am doing to him is making him more concerned everyday. Perhaps this is why every relationship I have ever been in failed. I did not want to open up because it would make people concerned, and I dislike the worry in their eyes. I would like to stop the suffering I make people go through. Stop with all the mind games, and be completely problem-free.

Is this too much to ask for?

6:46 AM

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Well. I'm guessing you are wondering why I am up so early. It is currently about 6:28am. Do not get anxious or scared for I will not be getting any sleep. I thought that my fever was gone yesterday because I went down to a 37.3. Unfortunately, I was wrong. I am not back up to a 39.3 except the only thing that is really bothering me is that I feel perfectly normal. I do not know if the thermometer is lying to me or what.

The worst part of it all, I cannot find the container of Advil. Nevermind. I just found it. :P I thought one pill of Advil would do me good. What could possibly be provoking my fever? Perhaps the heated blanket? I have just started using it recently, and it keeps my toes warm, which I have always been unable to accomplish for perhaps I do not have enough blood, or I am not producing enough body heat.

I feel like talking to someone but hey. No one is on so early in the morning on a Saturday. I am disapponted though. Tom promised me that if I was about 37.4 and lower I get to go out with him today and buy Brenda's gift. I am so worried that I will not get better today or tomorrow, forcing me to not attend Chris' baptism, or going to Brenda's birthday celebration. Why must my body be like this? Why must I always get sick on the most important days especially in December? This is not fair, though I already know that life is never fair.

What is the whole point of being hopeful now? I feel like I have been isolated from everyone. I want to be able to stop Tom from worrying about me. I just want him to be happy, but I feel like all I am doing to him is making him more concerned everyday. Perhaps this is why every relationship I have ever been in failed. I did not want to open up because it would make people concerned, and I dislike the worry in their eyes. I would like to stop the suffering I make people go through. Stop with all the mind games, and be completely problem-free.

Is this too much to ask for?

6:46 AM